cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
honey bunches of taint.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
