This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
