Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
