I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
