anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
