You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
