then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
