Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
