I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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