so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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