Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
