Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
