I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
