thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
