I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
