are you still at the devil's house?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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