I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
