Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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