New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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