thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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