i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
