and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
