I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
