____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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