if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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