I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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