My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
