Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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