i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
