I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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