i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
