I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
