We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
