in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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