Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
