The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
