i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
