i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
