Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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