someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she looked like the before picture.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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