One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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