Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
