my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
