Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
