My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
