He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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