Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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