As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
