goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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