Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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