after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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