Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's never too late to be topless.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
