You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
