Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
50% drunk capacity currently
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
