I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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