i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
